Seriously, roland?

When someone says the word 'roland', punch that person in the stomach. You will be doing the world a great service because Roland is not a word that can be uttered without significant thought given to the world's complexities and Al Gore's views on global warming. Roland is not just the first part of Roland Garros. No, my friend (if you are not my friend, Hi. I'm pleased to meet you. Do not call me Roland), Roland is not just that. It's got a rich history that can kill a man if he tries to go all the way back to its origins (its effects on women are yet to be figured out). I have done extensive research and I have realized that Wikipedia, which in all reality is the hitchhikers guide to the earth, can sometimes be tremendously off the mark.

I quote Wikipedia "Roland (Italian: Orlando, Frankish: Hruodland, Dutch: Roeland, Spanish: Roldán or Rolando, Portuguese: Roldão or Rolando, Catalan: Rotllan or Rotllà, Orlando is now a common name in both Spanish and Portuguese though it is originally Italian) is a character in medieval and Renaissance literature, the chief paladin of Charlemagne and a central figure in the Matter of France."

Whoever wrote that article seriously needs to dip themselves in the holy waters of tertrar because that person has done a great injustice to Roland. Roland was not just the chief paladin of Charlemagne. He was so much less than that. Roland could not even pronounce Charlemagne, it hurt his tongue. And we all know that the tongue is the third most vital part of a human's body. Yes it is (take a moment to understand that. Okay, good enough).

So, the next time you hear someone say 'Roland', punch them in the stomach. If you get beaten up because of that, tough luck. You've got to know how to pick your battles man. Seriously, why would you punch a guy who is twice your size? That is such a Roland thing to do.

P.S: If you're name is Roland and you take offense to this article, hey, what can I say? Seriously, think about it. Clue: There is one word I'm definitely not going to say.