The Society Of People Who Have Nothing To Do

Special Effects on a Plane / Lights and Sounds

2008-02-21T17:57:00.004+05:30

This was written while waiting for an Airbus 380 to take off.

The lights are blinking eerily,
The plane is steering wearily,
Now bright,
Now dark,
Like a walk in the park,
Or the fires in hell.

Gramophone artists play
Sweet symphonies of suburban melodies;
As the background score wells to a climax,
Green bug-eyed goblins in purple suits,
Walk me through the walls
With absolutely no fashion sense,
Like penguins on a cat-walk.

Seat belt signs above sapphire screens,
Stare at me haughtily.
Perhaps it is my turn to die today,
Perhaps not.

But,
The question ringing in my head
As a claustrophobic kid screams "Now Now"
Again and again,
Is "When will this bloody plane take off?".

Head

2008-01-16T00:10:00.000+05:30

Head

“Green”, he said vague and despondent,
“Green it has always been and must always remain.”

I tried to reason with him, but my attempt at lucidity failed.
It was all too clear in his head, his small trumpet like head.

I hated that head. I always had.

Then it came to me, flashing intently on my brain,
Like some small elevator in my cells had suddenly turned on,
And moved upward.

“If it was always green, how do you know what green is?”
“Do you have something to compare it against, something you know is green?”

He was stunned. His small trumpet like head moved slowly, bewildered.
“Regicide and suicide”, he shouted.

Then he killed himself by turning into a small turnip.

I hated that head. I always had.

-Mayank Daswani.

The Poem I have No Right to Write

2008-01-03T23:58:00.000+05:30

Hey,

This was part of a writing exercise at a spoken word workshop in pif. We were asked to write "The Poem I have No Right to Write". We were also given three random words picked from the dictionary to use and mine were rush,mix and install. As usual I came up with nonsense verse. The writing time for this thing was 15 minutes so excuse the... ah you'll see.

The title "On a Lighter Note" comes from the fact that everyone else there wrote more serious things. Heh.

The Poem I have No Right to Write / On a lighter note

Once in the land of far away peace,
Which writers and poets and other slime grease,
A man came with a clan and a plan,
And boxes and tissues and a peroxide tan.

He claimed to write of love and fiction,
Of grimoires and ladles and drug-addiction,
But in all his mix of prose and diction,
He never once saw the frame of completion.

Then one day he wrote and wrote in a rush,
His eyes were red, his cheeks were flushed,
His brilliant idea had come to hand,
He could finally use his tissues and plan.

He built a machine made of ladles and glue,
And paper and apples and lots of tissue,
He told his colleagues he had come to install,
A magical machine made to move and enthral.

“All you poets and writers alike,
Should place your greatest works upon this spike,
And when the machine begins to churn,
Produce it will, the greatest book in the world.

Of course the poets and writers were thrilled,
How brilliant it would be, their very blood chilled.
And they placed their greatest works upon the spike,
And waited all day, waited all night.

And then the machine churned out a tome,
The greatest the world had ever known,
Artists everywhere of the highest calibre,
Were enraged and astounded, their blood on fire.

The book brought on war and evolutionary change,
And everyone fought, their eyes were strange,
Lit by the light of both war and peace,
Two minds as one, one mind at ease.

After a hundred years or so of war,
The land of poets and writers once more,
Was at peace with itself, the book was destroyed,
The velvet and moccasins once more overjoyed.

Only one oath now, had everyone to swear,
Neither to speak nor write upon the fairest of fair,
The greatest of all books had been banished,
Its author disappeared, the machine vanished.

And this is why I must fear for my life,
Runaway from my home, with children and wife,
With heroes and mages, and mistresses of might,
As I’m writing the poem I have no right to write.

-Mayank Daswani

What say you??? Comment.

Seriously, roland?

2007-12-24T01:15:00.000+05:30

When someone says the word 'roland', punch that person in the stomach. You will be doing the world a great service because Roland is not a word that can be uttered without significant thought given to the world's complexities and Al Gore's views on global warming. Roland is not just the first part of Roland Garros. No, my friend (if you are not my friend, Hi. I'm pleased to meet you. Do not call me Roland), Roland is not just that. It's got a rich history that can kill a man if he tries to go all the way back to its origins (its effects on women are yet to be figured out). I have done extensive research and I have realized that Wikipedia, which in all reality is the hitchhikers guide to the earth, can sometimes be tremendously off the mark.

I quote Wikipedia "Roland (Italian: Orlando, Frankish: Hruodland, Dutch: Roeland, Spanish: Roldán or Rolando, Portuguese: Roldão or Rolando, Catalan: Rotllan or Rotllà, Orlando is now a common name in both Spanish and Portuguese though it is originally Italian) is a character in medieval and Renaissance literature, the chief paladin of Charlemagne and a central figure in the Matter of France."

Whoever wrote that article seriously needs to dip themselves in the holy waters of tertrar because that person has done a great injustice to Roland. Roland was not just the chief paladin of Charlemagne. He was so much less than that. Roland could not even pronounce Charlemagne, it hurt his tongue. And we all know that the tongue is the third most vital part of a human's body. Yes it is (take a moment to understand that. Okay, good enough).

So, the next time you hear someone say 'Roland', punch them in the stomach. If you get beaten up because of that, tough luck. You've got to know how to pick your battles man. Seriously, why would you punch a guy who is twice your size? That is such a Roland thing to do.

P.S: If you're name is Roland and you take offense to this article, hey, what can I say? Seriously, think about it. Clue: There is one word I'm definitely not going to say.

Never Strikes Twice

2007-12-10T01:04:00.000+05:30

Never Strikes Twice

No, came the reply quick and fast, like lightning on a hill,
Lightning never strikes in the same place twice.
So this was not lightning I reasoned,
She had struck there before.

Once in a high and lonely place,
Where angels in sandals feared to tread,
The lightning first struck twice,
And was firmly forbidden from doing so again.

The proper authorities were questioned,
And the appropriate forms were filled,
Why was lightning, in the same place,
Never allowed to strike twice?

The rhythm, the rhyme, the stone paper slime,
They answered, seeking the time on the edge,
There will come a moment, a frame of space tangent,
Once more, angels will fear to tread.

No, came the reply quick and fast, like lightning on a hill,
Lightning never strikes in the same place twice.
So this was not lightning I reasoned,
She had struck there before.

-Mayank Daswani.

Quantum Conversation

2007-10-21T20:05:00.000+05:30

Hmmm... This is a random post which follows from a conversation I was having with a friend 3 days ago.

I propose a new hypothesis in this post called the Law of Quantum Conversation.

The hypothesis states that "Every important event that occurs in a person's life, is uniquely determined by a conversation that occurred 3 days previously."

It can be restated as,"For all e in the set of important events, there exists a conversation 'c' in the set of conversations 3 days from the current, such that e is fully functionally dependent on c."

This is a ground breaking, earth-shattering hypothesis as it can lead to research that may enable us to finally disprove the existence of God and replace all supernatural properties with the simple conversation c. That occurred 3 days ago.

Any comments, feel free to post.

Patrick and the Dinosaur

2007-08-11T18:08:00.000+05:30

There was a small dog in the land of chocolate candy. The land of chocolate candy was being overrun by small dogs of his caliber. They were mean, they were green and they occasionally asked for directions.

This particular dog was different. He didn't need directions. He knew exactly where he was going and why. He had to find a dinosaur from the Jurassic Era which had been banished to the land of chocolate candy for bad behavior. He also wanted some schezwan chicken. His name was Patrick.

Patrick and the other dogs had been banished to the land of chocolate candy for being too small. This was a severe crime in the eyes of the Holy Seer (over all dogs), and the land of chocolate candy was the worst possible punishment for these dogs. Having to eat the same thing over and over again was incredibly boring and incredibly sweet and resulted in death by vitamin deficiency.

This explained why the dogs were green though. They were on the very brink of death. Another day of sweetened confectionery would certainly kill them. Only Patrick kept his hopes up, he had a plan. He was also quite delusional from the vitamin deficiencies but that didn't stop him from trying to save his skin and find a dinosaur. He figured that if he did find a dinosaur he could escape.

Just behind Patrick, a time portal opened into the Jurassic Era, and a T.Rex walked through, picked him up with his teeth and walked back into the portal with his lunch. His name was Patrick as well.

Turns out Patrick escaped in the end, only to be torn apart by viciously circling gigantic vultures.

The Letter Returned

2007-07-11T20:59:00.000+05:30

Although Jack didn't get a reply to the mail we sent, the ad did in fact change, on Facebook and although it is not a great improvement, the fact remains that they did change it, which is pretty awesome!!!!

Hooray for second degrees in Chinese literature.

The Man with a Pen in His Arm who DIED of EXcruciating Pain! or Death due to Surgery or Pain - a poem

2007-07-09T11:46:00.000+05:30

He strutted about with a pen in his arm,
Seeking to please, seeking to charm,
He was filled with the most exruciating pain,
He kept saying his name again and again.

We had to do surgery,
We tried it on whim,
With a great razor blade,
And a buffalo's fin.
We chopped off his hand
And stitched it anew,
Removed the instrument
With a ladle of glue.

The surgery worked,
Our work was complete,
His arm was as good
As a Pentagon fleet.
But he screamed in agony
And died in pain,
Shouting his name out
Again and again.

We couldn't solve the puzzle,
We had done everything right.
Why had this poor man,
Died in a fright?

The mystery however
Was very soon solved,
By an expert specialist,
A man who was bald.

"You see, my colleagues,
What he was screaming out loud,
Was not his own name,
Or the name of a game, nor was it,
The sound of an aeroplane
The only thing he was trying to explain
Was that you doctors were stupid, ridiculous ,pathetic,
And completely forgot the anesthetic.

Another Letter

2007-07-08T16:56:00.000+05:30

My friend (Jack) and I sent this email to a career agency, about an advert on Facebook. The advert in question is an animated gif image going through 3 frames.

1. A brown leaf (with a bit chewed on one end) with the text "Turn over a New Leaf"

2. A green leaf (this leaf is the previous one turned over) with the text "in your career"

3. White text on a green background with the text "Search 1000's of new jobs NOW"

For some reason this enraged my aforementioned friend and he decided to ask them a technical question on the site.

Together, we came up with this letter. (Jack is a visual arts student, btw)

"I would like to inquire into the matter of who designed your "New leaf" Advertisement which can see on many sites including Facebook. Being an artiste of the highest calibre, and a staunch supporter of the Iraq war, I can appreciate the hard work that goes into making something original, but your advertisement while original has a level of cheesiness, which removes its effectiveness and affects my inner sensibilities.

I do not however want too provide destructive criticism and I seek to provide some miner changes which I believe will change your entire outlook towards your company and your inner values.

I have consulted several texts on the matter and I was appalled by the aberrations along the edges of the leaf in question, which seems to suggest to the customer that the company itself would undergo such deterioration. I’m sure that you did not knowingly wish this to happen but it is proven that the subconscious mind takes in various clues from its conscious environment and interprets these in strange ways.

“Simplicity is indeed often the sign of truth and a criterion of beauty.”

Mahlon Hoagland (Toward the Habit of Truth)

While I would normally agree with the above sentiment, the simplistic nature of your advertisement would appeal only to the simpletons of the web browsing community. As an artiste of the highest caliber with a second degree in Chinese literature, a wife and two kids, I would like to point out the grammatical error in the caption in the last frame is so glaringly obvious that my 3-year old son corrected it.

The tonal array of colours represented within the advert strongly implies the visual impairment of the designer.

Being an artiste of the highest caliber who once possed the Nobel peace prize, I would like to conclude that the viewing experience your advert provides leaves me with no doubt that Coco Pops are better than Nutri Grain.

Regs John,

PS: Resume attached…………………………….NOT!!!!!!!!"

We haven't got a reply yet.

Also on a different note, I plan to continue the car crash story. Hopefully you enjoyed the first bit.

May the force be with you.

Desperate moments in a Car Crash

2007-07-06T21:17:00.000+05:30

She slammed the brakes hard. There was nothing else she could do. She crashed anyway.

Just after she died she happen to speak to a pigeon who was knocking on heaven's door.

"Oh pigeon my love would ye speak of starry starry nights and sun-kissed lemon dew upon the dreary sands of North Carolina."

The pigeon replied,"Ah well poor mortal human who has not yet seen the delight of berries on a tree in tropical Suburbia, how I wish'd it be such that I could restore thy sight and make thee see the light of former glory. Dread not my little one, for there is yet hope for the forsaken and ye shall be free."

Then it was eaten by a small cat.

To be continued....

Style is not issue

2007-05-10T18:41:00.000+05:30

This is another set of random comments. See title.

If your thirsty try to remain thirsty for as long as possible. This gives your potential children a (probable) greater resistance to thirst.

These 3 lines seed the random function with the number randomly created by seeding the random function with the current time. The current time may or may not be totally random. You see that this was not 3 lines. Now it is. If it isn't then its totally screwed up.

It took a minute for the second hand to go all the way around.

How do I say something without it sounding ridiculous? -Actual quote by a friend of mine.

Nothing is really random. Except perhaps my thoughts.

Toothpaste occassionally tastes good.

I don't know the spelling of occassionally.

The last one wasn't random, was it?

Is the toner working?

Polar bears are left handed.

Gerome will rule the world (possibly, one day, in the remote future, by the Uncertainty Principle, it is highly....erm, likely?)

Thank you,
Randomly sorting colors helps a Haskell assignment.

An Email I Sent

2007-05-02T20:35:00.000+05:30

Hey,

Since the blog has been reduced to utter crap...( see last poem I wrote) I am reduced to posting my email on it for everyone to see. My emails are good though you must admit. This is one to a friend back home in Chennai. You know who you are!

Hey,

How's it goin?

Are u canadian?

These are the questions running through my head rite now...

I hopefully know the answer to the second one...

Anyway, I kinda lost my phone and my contacts so if u read this mail send me ure cell no. so i can do nothing with it.....

I m weird I know.... I'll live...

Anyway, How's college? Hv u met any1 frm scl recently? And what is (2+(2*(2+2*......infinity

Bleh,
I dont know the answer.

Reply or die,
Mayank.

Untitled

2007-05-01T19:05:00.000+05:30

There are times when you need to change the past. There are times when you don't really care.

There are times when you need.

To Whomever it may concern,
Are you ready? The Times has arrived. When do you leave? Need there be light? Change the way you think, the way you want to drive past.

To Whomever it may concern,
Does it concern you, that you may already be on the edge of the abyss? Does it disturb you that there is nothing about the present that defines the future? Does it bother you that we are the world?

To Whomever it may concern,
Life isn't all about missed opportunities, fatalities hanging in the midst of the sky like a blue rainbow. Life is........

I am currently sitting on my bed...

2007-03-01T21:18:00.000+05:30

I am currently sitting on my bed, my roommate is talking to me about Harry Potter and Dakota Fanning, it's bright and sunny outside, and I am currently sitting on my bed.

I am currently sitting on my bed, I am doing math before brushing my teeth, my socks stink, and I am currently sitting on my bed.

I am currently sitting on my bed, I have studied a total of 3 hours for my two exams today, there is an empty box of ferrero rocher next to me, and I am currently sitting on my bed.

I am currently sitting on my bed, I am waiting for my alarm to sound, life will go on, but I am currently sitting on my bed.

Go and Dig HOLES in Mountains

2007-02-27T13:33:00.000+05:30

or even, Goan d digho les inmo unta in s. Whatever suits you mate!

Notice the mate in the above statement, this should give u a clue, or klew as to where I am. That's right, write even, I'm down under in the land of kangaroos, kuala bears and beer. Australia. This seems repetitive. I have already written this before. Damn it. Ah well too late now. Deja vous.

I'm sitting in the computer lab in my college of John XXIII, in the Australian National University in Canberra. Life has never been weirder.(Actually it might have been, but lets not go there. Leave that to the psychic beavers.)

I have just been laughing for 1/2 an hour at a joke I just cracked. Perhaps I've finally cracked. I'll type the joke down and leave you to decide for yourselves.

A pancake and a muffin were going out. The jelly came up and asked the pancake, "What you doin?" The pancake replied, "Muffin". (This is supposed to be a pun on nothin, but whatever you construe it as is fine.) Even as I write this I realise I must have finally flipped. Just a few minutes ago a friend came and told me to go and dig holes in mountains.

Decide and let me know.

Ciao.

Random

2007-02-24T18:26:00.000+05:30

This is a random post.
Sitting in room in my college in my university in canberra. Randomly posting stuff.

Great and nice things happen to people with binary clocks or, if you will, green balls of red fire.
The reincarnation of the German will occur in 2045.
Speaking of which, crazed lunatics run down my corridor at 1 in the morning.
One in binary is simple: it's 1.
Schrodinger called his cat Nancy, I think..
I'm not doing physics.
Yay?
Heroes rocks, or hero rocks or heroes rock? Hero's rock even?
yellow matter custard.
cockroaches.
lump of small green putty i found in my ear.
garble warble farble.

can anyone tell why i put these random thoughts down? as in the logical sequence or a psychological analysis if u will.
if u can, comment. If u can't, comment.

Cinquains

2007-02-02T23:33:00.000+05:30

A 'pointless' conversation led me to discover a new form of poetry. Not that I know anything of the art form but here goes.

A cinquain is a five line poem. Following certain rules.

Line 1:	one word (subject or noun)
Line 2:	two words (adjectives) that describe line 1
Line 3:	three words (action verbs) that relate to line 1
Line 4:	four words (feelings or a complete sentence) that relates to line 1
Line 5:	one word (synonym of line 1 or a word that sums it up)

courtesy:
here

i used this site to create my own. Try it out if you will.
Here's what i got,

newspapers
black white
read fold throw
useful yet simply pointless
life

post ure own cinquains in the comments section.

ps: friend mentioned in above post wants a credit line. So here's a shout out to Janani.

Flying Purple Pigs?

2007-02-01T01:11:00.000+05:30

It wasn't easy, standing under the street lamp, dancing alone in the dark. It wasn't working you see. But I was desperate to make a stand. You must think I’m weird standing for a street light that didn’t work. Good.

It all came down to this: flying purple pigs and orange jumpers. There is nothing more rudimentary in Life’s perception than something so psychedelic and so sadistic as flying purple pigs, and orange jumpers.

Do not wonder why the comma in the last line in the previous paragraph exists. It has a purpose. It needs to. Just like I need to or that poor street lamp.

But do we really need to?

All life is pointless. You live then die and spend the intervening time worrying about life, the universe and everything. And the purposelessness of little innocent commas, and of course flying purple pigs and orange jumpers.

Quite a STRANGE term, isn’t it? Kinda like a phrase that’s trying too hard to be an oxymoron but can’t quite make it.

But back to the street lamp.

It stood outside my house lonely. Moths used to gather around it and flitter away pointlessly until they died. Reminds me of a poem that started, “When I consider how my life is spent….”

But moths are not really blind. Like bats. Who can still SEE. They just die. Pointlessly.

But back to the point.

It was lonely. But it worked. It worked hard to give us light and glory. But no one really noticed it. I used to sit underneath it for awhile everyday after the moths left to do their nightly duties. Read a book. An expression of words that may or may not impact you.

Then one day it stopped. God knows why. Or perhaps He in his infinite wisdom, doesn’t. Does He even know anything? Does He even exist? Why should a poor lamp suffer for this ignorance?

Ignorance is bliss said someone. Debate for another day.

So now I sit beneath this lost and lonely lamp wondering. Mind wandering.

Somebody

2006-11-26T00:15:00.000+05:30

Hey,

Started writing The Novel so that's taking up a lot of my time, apart from rehearsal. Don't plan to post any of it on the blog until its finished so till then here's a poem, written in about 15 minutes.

Nothing can ever be what it never was,
Nothing can ever be what it is not.
Can nothing ever be?

Something is definitely without reason or cause,
Something is definitely indefinite.
Something can be anything!

But when does nothing become something?
Can nothing be something?
Can nobody become somebody?

To everything that is, a proclamation:
Everything was once nothing,
Everybody was once nobody.

Nobody will be somebody, someday.

May the force be with you!

The Panto

2006-10-29T19:42:00.000+05:30

LO,

Read the title... if your still confused read it again. That's what I've been doing these past weeks and will be doing till it finally happens in December! Yes I'm acting!!! Find it hard to believe... believe it! I'm still trying to. But its actually fun doing something that you're completely alien to and clueless about!! Its like Tom and Jerry suddenly try out differential calculus and like it!! ( I know that's a useless metaphor, but you get what I mean.) Anyway, I'm the youngest 'actor' in the group and its fun seeing what people do after they finish studying. I mean its like a whole class of observing completely hilarious and sometimes insane people.

Anyway, enough about that.. You probably want to know which panto. Well, this is the Little Theatre production put up by Aysha Rao, directed by Yog. This year its Romeo and Juliet and it promises to be a hell lotta fun. We're not sticking to the Shakespeare though as you will see. Make sure you come and watch... I'll post dates later. It's still a long way off!! By the way, the promised story is in production. Will type it out as soon as its ready!!

May the force be with you!

LO

2006-10-04T22:44:00.000+05:30

Figure out what the title means... 10 points to the winner (Of course these points are completely imaginary and have no meaning whatsoever.) Anyway, I was bored and therefore decided to blog. I've been in a writer's block these last few months and couldn't think of anything original to post. That's past I hope and expect another nonsensical story in the near future.

But this post is just to recommend some books to you. If you are reading this blog, you are of course jobless and have enough time to read them.

1. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

This is the best book in the world(This can be proved by God's message to mankind...read the book to find out.)

2. Anything by Terry Pratchett from the Discworld series.( Anything is not a book...)

"Terry Pratchett is the funniest writer alive." That's all. My particular favourites are 'Thief of Time' and of course 'Nightwatch'.

3. Stardust by Neil Gaiman...

Just read this book... Brilliant story!!

4. Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett.

If you're bored and have nothing to do read this. Of course you could read them if you're not.. but that just takes the fun away.

forthwith yuba eye come.....any guesses for this anagram?? ...;)

Hotel Kerala-fonia??

2006-09-22T19:00:00.000+05:30

Hey,
long time no see. I've been so bored that I've forgotten to post. Sorry, but here's a version of Hotel California in the spirit of Vishal's last(only?) post.

HOTEL KERALA-FONIA - by The Yeagles

On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's infested here
It's infested here

His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar, I sending you
meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray

Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies

The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell!

miiiine.. first post.. all hail me..

2006-07-23T22:30:00.000+05:30

Sambhar of 69

I had my first real six rupees,
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,

had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.

Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,

that was the worst food of my life.

Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah

standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.

Back to the sambhar of 69.

Man I was getting killed,
I was full and restless,
I needed to unwind,
I guess nothing can wait forever - FOREVER... NO!!!!

A Letter...

2006-07-04T22:44:00.000+05:30

To,
Mr Selva Raj,
Ajay Enterprises,
Mammooty Avenue,
Kilpauk,
Chennai.

Dear Sir,

I wish to complain about the condition of your head. It is bald except for 3 strands and this affects my aesthetic sensibilities. You should either grow it fully or shave it completely bald... even two hairs is better than three(or one- as a numerologist I believe even numbered hair are more mythologically significant in the true beauty and appreciation of Life. I have counted mine and it comes upto 11112345671898 a satisfiably even number! Of course I can't be sure if more have grown since). I hope you will consider this matter carefully for it is in the better interests of mankind and life in general. I'm sure other visitors to your shop feel the same way as I do and this is small matter that can be easily taken care of unlike the growing of an extra head which I feel everyone in the world should have two of. Alas, the world is not perfect. Please remedy this matter as soon as possible.

Thanking you,
Yours sincerely,
A Troubled Numerologist.

The Horse has hair..

2006-05-26T18:49:00.000+05:30

Le cheval a des cheveux...

This seemingly incongruous statement has revealed absolutely nothing to me about my life. Let me tell you how it happened.

It all started one day when I was born. This is a common occurence as people are born everyday, but it was special in one way- I was born. Note that this does not mean that I'm self-centered- maybe it does but it doesn't. It just means that on Thursday the 13th of October an event happened that would change my world (actually create my world.. but it doesn't sound as good). Most readers would be baffled and confused at this point and abrubtly stop reading this passage. Some more intelligent readers may be wondering what all this has to do with the horse. But the most intelligent already know...

Le cheval a des cheveux...

This means "The horse has hair." It turned up in my limited French vocabulary today and I felt that I had to share it with the world. Don't ask me why...

Muhahahahahahahaha..........

May the force be with you!

Star Wars

2006-04-25T22:07:00.000+05:30

Did you know, that a long time ago in a galaxy far far away... Blaaze, Aslam and Naresh Iyer helped defeat Darth Vader? do you know how?

You guessed it...... BE A REBEL!!!

Wallapaper

2006-04-21T21:28:00.000+05:30

Wallpaper I made a while back; the idea behind wasn't totally original though. This is what I do when I'm ultimately jobless =)

I suspect the monk will soon kill me for not putting up a proper post. I shall therefore exit until I've got something remotely intelligent to say.

Gaya

IIT is Over!!!

2006-04-11T22:43:00.000+05:30

Hey,

This technically isn't a typical Society post... so true fans of 'nothing' bear with the loss or something. I wrote the IIT-JEE on Sunday. I had gone for classes on and off for about two years with 'off' being the keyword here. So with absolutely nothing in my head and with 'We are the Champions' in my ears, I wrote the fabled entrance exam at the SBOA school in Mogapair.
Well, it went as expected--badly. Actually, it was pretty OK except for Chem which everyone else seemed to find easy. But 'pretty OK' doesn't get you into IIT. We'll see...
Almost 3 lakh people from all over India wrote this exam and just 4000 get in. The odds don't look good (and neither do the evens for that matter~). Atleast IIT ain't the end of the world for me. But I know so many people who would give up everything they have for another shot at the entrance. Why? The education system in India is seriously screwed up and it needs to change. Maybe we should pull an RDB on the education minister or something. And people wonder why the yuva leave the country!!
Well, one thing can be said ... its over for the year. And lakhs of school kids will be waiting for their results only to be disappointed again.And again.

May the force be with you!

Excerpts from the diary of an old man with NO teeth

2006-03-23T22:50:00.000+05:30

These have been recovered from the diary of an old man with no teeth.. sad but true.

May 1st 1961.

I regret the time I left brushing my teeth... I remember it like it was yesterday. I was only 10 and decided that enough was enough. I would never brush my teeth again. My teeth deserved better. I would paint them white and no-one would know better.
That realisation was such a relief! I would never touch another toothbrush and I felt great.
BAH!! Look at me now. I tried to eat a banana the other day and my teeth fell out. All at once!! Thirty-two teeth gone. Like that, poof! What kind of world do we live in, anyway? Who orders these things to pass? My teeth did no-one harm! I want them back! I'm suing someone about this. Go to hell all you young (censored) ! Enjoy your teeth while you can... someday they are going to fall out and I'll be there laughing......

Paul Krunfgman.

Disturbing isn't it? What is most disturbing is the fact that the old man died the next day choking over a banana. Yes, sad indeed. But perhaps all of us await such a fate. To be done in by a passing peanut or spiked in the deadly jaws of a crocodile....such is our destiny.

Awww, crap! Where do I get such rubbish from? The effects of RDB i guess. Anyway, live life, love it and you won't need to worry about your teeth or something.

P.S:The moral of this story is don't eat bananas unless you have teeth!

P.P.S: Did I get the spelling of bananas right? I hate the word.

The Society is Back...

2006-03-23T22:38:00.000+05:30

Hey every1,

The boards are over, the society's is back from hibernation, the whales are still alive and we're crazier than ever. Just back from Rang De Basanti. Pretty good but not exactly elevating i would think. In fact pretty god damn depressing. But really well directed and all....
Anyway, expect a lot of articles from now on... i have nothing to do and i doubt Neon has anything to do (other than study for entrances ofcourse) so here's to a new phase in the art of doing NOTHING.

PS. Expect a short story from me... soon. Working on rewriting the nonsense i wrote for a story writing competition. And remember, life is weird but good!

May the force be with you!

Interstellar Rabbits or Space Bunnies

2005-12-27T16:44:00.000+05:30

Seven years ago, a man climbed a mountain. This was no great feat, as he was the one billionth three hundred and ninety one millionth two hundred and sixty one thousandth one hundred and second person to do so. He did not even know why he had climbed this particular mountain. As he approached the peak he saw a grassy knoll that was pink in colour. For some strange reason, this stood out to him as it hadn't to all the 1,391,261,101 people before him. He looked closer and to his surprise found something very surprising. He was in the same spot where the space bunnies met. Here is his account.

"I reached the pink knoll and saw a rabbit. This was not surprising as there were many rabbits around. I chased the rabbit 'cause I'm that kinda person. Then I heard a car screeching to a halt. I looked in front of me and found it was a flying saucer. This was surprising as there were not many other spaceships around.
To my surprise another rabbit got out of the spaceship. It seemed to be holding an Interstellar THINGIE(N) (an acronym of Thing I Expected(Not)) and was calling the rabbit which I was chasing. Apparently, this was a regular meeting place for space travelling rabbits. I watched in astonishment as the young rabbit got in, winked at me and then left. The spaceship was gone."

The author has tried to verify this mind-boggling statement. However, he has been unable to do so as he does not live in Timbuktoo. Readers from Timbuktoo may help out by visiting a mountain in their locality. Thank you.

The Magic of Words

2005-11-06T20:57:00.000+05:30

Part One

Seventeen thousand years ago, the first talking man said ,"Gargh". This was the beginning of a long journey of many years wasted.

For the sake of simplicity, let us name our man Thefm. Now, Thefm was not your average guy. He was The First Talking Man who had made the first word "Gargh". This was regarded as a bad move by many, for until then their vocal chords had been of no use for anything other than screaming. Also they did not know what Gargh meant. Thefm told them what it meant but he only knew only one word so the way he explained it was unintelligible.

An excerpt from his famous speech, "Gargh, gargh, ga...gar.. gargh."

The speech was not met with much applause for it was the first of its kind in history. (Not that they knew what history was.)

Now Thefm was widely regarded as an idiot. This was conveyed to him by the rocks that connected with his head severely damaging it.

It was then that Thefm made his second word, a synonym of the first to explain what it meant. It was "Glug".

Thefm become famous for it wasn’t everyday that a man coined a new word for the second time that wasn’t the same as the first. Thefm was happy. He now was the most eligible bachelor in the world. He married a nice girl who was impressed by the shape of his head (the rocks had changed it). They had two children who he surprisingly named Gargh and Glug. Then he died.

Sadly his children had children and their children had children all possessed with a genetic disorder for languages (and a weirdly shaped head), probably caused by the rocks hitting their great ancestor’s head. All the children were named after the words their parents invented.

Part Two

After around 170 centuries, in 1883 William Norbury Biscuit was born. By the marvel of DNA analysis it can be conclusively proved that he was a lineal descendant of Thefm and had inherited his misguided penchant for languages, in particular, the English language.

(His parents had probably invented the word, ‘Norbury Biscuits’… though this fact cannot be proved.)

In 1953, Bill, now the Lord Biscuit, gave a speech which moved the very rocks and stones of the venue out. The people who stayed to listen died the next day of internal hemorrhaging.

He called it ‘The Magic of Words’, the people called him ‘The man who should be shot’. Surprisingly, no-one threw rocks at him. He lived for 9 years after he had made his infamous speech at the University of Leicester.

His speech was written down and preserved by some perverts at the University, for reasons I cannot fathom.

Readers looking for the content of this speech must look elsewhere. It, however, is easily summarized in a few words i.e. “Gurgh, glug”.

It may interest readers to know that with the demise of Lord Biscuit the line of Thefm failed. (Unless he or one of his heirs had an illegitimate son.)

This may well prove to be the case as the speech was mysteriously chosen to be a part of an English textbook. The person who chose it would have to be either a descendant of Thefm or just plain crazy.

However I leave it to you to speculate…

Note: The characters in this story are purely fictional. Any resemblance to real people, living or dead is purely coincidental and highly regretted ;).

Life

2005-09-29T11:41:00.000+05:30

Well, all my friends are in Goa( yes, Goa!) and as i'm sitting here wondering what it would be like to have my own pet dog, I remembered that I had promised Neon one good Society post before he returned. Now u all know how i love doing nothing and i was too busy doing nothing to write a blog post this whole week. Neon returns tomorrow and this is my last chance to post something. Being isolated for a week has given me the opprtunity to think about Life and Everything. So here goes...

I often feel life is like an onion... it smells, it's made up of many layers and it makes you cry. You can also buy a dozen for Rs15 only. I quote from the best book of all time, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy which says about the Earth,
"This planet had a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem and most of them were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy."

Another question that i was joblessly thinking about was "Why were we created?". I don't refer only to us but the Earth and everything on it. I mean what is the point. We live, we die and no one really cares what goes on in between. We believe( rather some of us believe) in a God. Well , then what does God get out of creating us. What's his profit, his purpose and more importantly where is his toilet?
Going back to God; who thought of this guy/girl/hommie anyway. Does he/she/(?) exist? If so why? And more importantly can we sue him?
Another question that bothers me is that if there is a God, then why in hell(?) did he make man imperfect? Wouldn't it be better for everyone if he made us perfect in the beginning? But that leads us to the question of whether God is a sadist.
I was introspecting never suspecting that my toast was burning, I will conclude, don't be rude and don't bother asking whether God is nude.

P.S. People say I'm weird, I say Life is weirder, but Cabbage is the weirdest.

ciao for now,
Meson Lurk.(In keeping spirit with the anagram craze)

May the force be with you.

My Aladdin obsession continues - Pics from our public performance!!

2005-09-20T20:16:00.000+05:30

I've finally managed to post all the pics taken during our school's public performance of the pantomime "Aladdin". It's in sequential order and if you didn't see the play, you can read my commentary of sorts under each picture and understand what the hell the actors in the pictures are doing.

This is the picture of our school band (nothing to do with the play) performing right before the Gandhi play. I heard that they did an awesome job. I wasn't backstage for most of the time, was busy running outside. I felt that it would get rid of my nervousness. Laugh all you want, but it worked! But I heard their rendition of "Sweet Home Alabama" and it was brilliant.

The dragon, gargoyle, sun-chaser and the Saviour of China(not seen in pic) were our narrators. I personally had a lot of fun watching them during the rehearsals especially when the gargoyle went "Baaacon". LOL!! But they did a very good job.

"Make Way! Make Way!"- words that will forever be etched in the minds of the 2005-2006 12th standard batch. Niranjan actually managed to open the scroll this time!

"Meet your uncle Abanazaaaa!" The evil guy(The big guy in the pic with a banana on his head) poses as a nice guy to get the wonderful reeeches of the cave by tricking a washing-machine hungry washer-woman(the person who looks like the baker woman) into sending her son, Aladdin (Me!!!) with him[This is the scene where I forgot one of my lines :( ].But the two brothers, Wishy Washy (the guy with the cloth on his head) and Aladdin have different plans. Like, going to the Caaaarnival.

This was the pyramid I was supposed to get on to. The unfortunate thing was that those 2 guys kneeling in the front were supposed to be in the back, but anyway, the pyramid came out well.

Ahh yes, the dance! The worst part of our founder’s day show but something that came out really well this time . Oh and the girl I’m dancing with is Princess Martini.

“But you did say she has beautiful eyes!!!”
The pic shows the conversation beween the Twankies about why Aladdin likes Martini, why the Empress is ugly and why an orange is not a good gift to give to the princess. This conversation is overheard by the evil guy, Abanaza and his two side-kicks Won and Ton. They offer to give Aladdin a lot of money if he completes a job for them.

So Aladdin gets into the cave, is chased by skeletons, who eventually offer to take him to the lamp that Abanaza wanted.

It turns out that the genie was in a torch light and not in a lamp and the genie gets Aladdin out of the cave. This was one of my favourite scenes, especially the “You’re Michael Jackson!!!” part.

This is the final fight scene where Aladdin’s mom abandons him (Boo!) and goes to the evil side . A lot of sound is made by both sides but as usual, good always wins. So I get to climb on to the evil guy and punch his head. A once in a lifetime opportunity! Anyway I forgive him (Ask the scriptwriters!!) and all of us leave the stage with “Can’t help falling in love with you” playing in the background. Well, that’s pretty much the entire play. I had tons of fun being a part of it and hope whoever had the patience to go through this post enjoyed it (the post I mean).

P.S: And Cabbage, I’m expecting a blog post from you now! (it took me 4 hours to put all these pictures up!!).

Jiver!!

2005-09-03T09:03:00.000+05:30

After a month hibernating in the school computer my poem of 19 stanzas has finally made it to this blog. I sat and wrote this poem down during Computer Science class because I had nothing to do and that is precisely the reason for me putting it up here. Me and my friend have plans to make this into a rap song and hopefully it will top the Billboard Charts one day. So, presenting the world's corniest but soon to be the most famous rap song, give it up for

JIVER!

Hello is the fellow
eating all the jello
looking really yellow
he became so mellow

He caught the lace
and put it in place
He joined a race
And gave up the chase

So he jumped into a river
and lost a liver
He shot an arrow from his quiver
And created a new word called jiver

Jiver! Jiver! He created Jiver! Ya! Jiver!

He killed a goat
And made its dead body float
By placing it on a moat
And he left a note

The note had one word
It was smaller than a bird
What was it?
It was Jiver! Jiver! Ya Jiver!

He became red
Cos he wasnt filled with lead
So he said
What the hell, My name is Ned

He opened a store
Without a floor
It had a door
But the people wanted more

So he said, " Go to hell!"
"Go and ring a bell!"
Ive got to put my gel
If you want anything, Im here to sell

Jiver! Jiver! Ya! Jiver!

He married a girl
Who was called Kerl
She gave him a pearl
And his mind went into a swirl

He got her a flower
She said he looked like David Gower
So he cried like a widower
Cos he was denied his power

Jiver! Jiver! Ya! Jiver!

He banged his head on a wall
Got a lump as big as a ball
So he went to the mall
In the middle of fall

He felt great
He didn't have a mate
He was goin to be late
To enter the magic gate

jiver! Jiver! Ya! Jiver!

He met a wizard
who looked like a lizard
He saw his gizzard
And said" Ewww!" Jiver!

He walked the talk
And put on his sock
Took a piece of chalk
And drew a lock

He dropped his bag
He looked like a hag
After watching an episode of Jag
Cleaned his face with a rag

Jiver! Jiver! Ya! Jiver!

He began to shake
Fell into a lake
Was picked up by Drake
A guy with a rake

Drake said hi
Ned said bye
That was a huge lie
Drake began to cry

He tore up his kite
Even though it was very light
This gave Ned a fright
And he ran out of sight

One day he died
Looked like he was fried
Over was his ride
He had joined the dark side

So say it, Jiver! Jiver Liver River Quiver JIVER!!!

Tomorrow is Another Day!

2005-09-01T22:33:00.000+05:30

hey,
herez something I wrote for a poetry competiton in the culturals at PSBB.

Seven days a week,
Three hundred and sixty five a year
Even as we speak
Another day is here

Yesterday;
Yesterday was the day before,
The day before today.
But was it yesterday,yesterday?
I really cannot say.

Today;
Today is where i am right now,
In the present not the past.
But will today be there tomorrow,
Today cannot last.

Tomorrow;
Tomorrow is what the future holds
Filled with dreams and anticipation.
But i realise that today was tomorrow, yesterday;
Tomorrow is just another day.

Live in the present, forget the morrow,
Do not dwell in the past.
If the day before was filled with sorrow,
Remember it cannot last.

Begin each day with hopes and dreams for the future.
But if the dreams don't come true!
I must say, don't lose your way,
Tomorrow is just another day!

How's that ?
comments and suggestions welcome.

May the force be with u.

The funniest pantomime ever and I'm in it! Tickets are being sold! What are you waiting for?

2005-08-25T17:22:00.000+05:30

The Lady Andal Theatre Club is putting up a Play and a Pantomime on the 29th of this month which happens to be a Monday. The show starts at 7:00 PM in the Museum Theatre, Egmore. The tickets cost Rs.100 each and can be bought in the Lady Andal School which is on Harrington Road in Chetput. The programme starts off with a performance by our school band, followed by a play about the last five seconds of Mahatma Gandhi, and ends with the pantomime,Aladdin(must watch, cos I am playing Aladdin). In the picture above, I'm the guy with the snazzy blue jacket. So if you would like to see me act, you would probably enjoy the other stuff too, please buy the tickets ASAP cos they are selling like hot cakes. Why do hotcakes sell so fast? Well anyway, please do come to our pantomime and I assure you that you will have loads of fun!

If you have any queries please post them in the comments box.

P.S: Monk is the sound and light director. So if there is any technical goofup, you know who to beat up.

Rockstar: INXS -To rock or not to rock?

2005-08-17T22:18:00.000+05:30

To rock or not to rock, that's not even a question.

A relatively new show, competing with American Idol, Rockstar: INXS is not as good but something to watch in the boring moments waiting for the next American Idol show. And its way better than KBC Dvitiya(Why does AB keep saying that??)
The contestants are frankly not very good singers, but hey, its a show. The song choices however are better than any other Idol type show, including the Idol itself.
Example, Mr. Brightside -the Killers.
The Man who Sold the World- Nirvana.

So if ure looking for good vocals, don't watch the show. But if u jus want to listen to some good 'ol rock then its for u.

May the force be with you.

For all those Aladdin fans out there...

2005-08-17T16:36:00.000+05:30

Was feeling pretty bored the other day, so I made a powerpoint presentation with all the Aladdin pantomime pics taken on Founders Day. So if you're still hung up on the panto, download the file. Even if you aren't download it cos I spent one hour doing it.
Click here to download.

Cheers,
Neon

Computerji, please lock the answer

2005-08-09T19:05:00.000+05:30

AB: Hello and welcome to Kaun Banega Crorepati 2. This time the show is bigger and better and we're giving away a maximum of 2 crore ruppees! Without further adieu, lets get on with the show. To decide who comes to the hot seat, we hill play "Fastest Finger First". Whoever gets the answer correct in the shortest time possible will get to play KBC 2 with me. First let me introduce the contestants.

"Mucus Mather from Kolkata" (Mucus Mather starts digging his nose)

"Iveghotta Pyss fom Haryana" (Iveghotta Pyss starts .... ahem to look uncomfortable)

"Whasthat Shmell from Kerala" (Whasthat Shmell looks at Iveghotta Pyss with disgust)

"Wheresthe Water from Chennai" (Wheresthe Water's tongue hangs out as he looks at Iveghotta Pyss")

"Chandra Mukhi from Vijayanagar" (Chandra Mukhi starts rolling her eyes)

"Bhalding Hed from Bangalore" (Bhalding Hed combs his ... scalp profusely)

Please give the contestants a big hand. Thank you, thank you. Now lets go and play Fastest Finger First. Cmon!

Arrange these letters in alphabetical order:
A) A
B) B
C) C
D) D

Your time's up. Now lets see who is the winner. Uhh, no correct answer... Well, then the person who got the wrong answer in the shortest time gets to sit on the hot seat. And that person is
IVEGHOTTA PYSS from Haryana! Give it up from him.

(Iveghotta Pyss trudges his way towards the Hot Seat as security guards hold on to Wheresthe Water who apparently is feeling very thirsty.)

So Iveghotta Pyss, you've made it to the hot seat!

IP: This seat doesn't feel too hot.

AB: What will you use the money for if you win?

IP: I plan to build a restaurant.

AB: What are you going to call it?

IP: Pyssa Hut

AB: Guess you won’t have any problem with the plumbing (No one laughs).Shall we start KBC 2?

IP: Okay.

AB: Are you excited?

IP: (looking really pained) Will you bloody get on with it?

AB: You seem uncomfortable. Do you want some water?

IP: If I have any more water, the Hot Seat will become a Wet seat.

AB: Uhh.. Okay then. Your first question is

Who is the current Prime Minister of India?
A) Manmohan Singh B) Sachin Tendulkar

C) Sanmohan Mingh D) Tachin Sendulkar

IP: Why such a tough question? I dont know the answer,

AB: You can use your lifelines.

IP: Give me 50-50.

AB: 50-50? Hmmm (scratches his beard). Okay two answer choices have been removed.

A)Manmohan Singh

D) Tachin Sendulkar

IP: Inky Pinky Ponky Father had a donkey, Father died donkey cried, Inky Pinky Ponky. Answer is A.

AB: Are you sure?

IP: Yesss...

AB: Confident?

IP: Yesss...

AB: Shall I lock the answer?

IP: Do you want me to slap you?

AB: Uhhh… You are right. The answer is A) Manmohan Singh. You have won Rs.1000.

IP: Next question,,,

AB: For Rs. 3000

In which movie did the song "Kaho Naa Pyar Hai" come?
A) Kuch Kuch Hota Hai B) Kaho Naa Pyar Hai

C) Kisna D) Kaal

IP: What is wrong with you? Give me some easy questions kno? I want audience poll.

AB: Okay audience, it looks like Iveghotta Pyss needs your help. Please use the high tech fancy gadget in front of you and select what you think is the right answer.

Iveghotta Pyss, the audience poll result is as follows:

A)Kuch Kuch Hota Hai 0% B)Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai 100%

B)Kisna 0% D)Kaal 0%

IP: Its tough. But I’ll go with (closes his eyes and points his finger on the screen) B!

AB: Are you su..( AB looks at IP's stare and ..) So computerji lock the answer. You are right. The answer is B.

IP: Good.

AB: Sing that song for us now. It isn't good enough for you to give only the right answer(Smiles)

IP: If you don’t get on with the show, I’ll shave your beard.

AB: Whats the hurry, Iveghotta Pyss? In fact, we will take a commercial break right now. Viewers stay tuned.

Commercial break: Kajaria Tiles-Man has an affair with his floor;

AB: Welcome back. Iveghotta Pyss is on the hot seat and he’s made Rs.3000 so far. Mr.Pyss, I though I would ask you this question before we move on to the serious stuff. You don’t get any money for this, but this question has been troubling me for quite some time. “What came first, the chicken or the egg?”(Smiles cunningly)

IP: Arey stupid fool, whatever you ordered first came first.

AB: Oh. Ok, your next question for Rs.5000 is

What is the minimum age required for a person to vote?

A)19 B)17

C)20 D)18

IP: Oh God. I want to call my brother.

AB: You are using the Call A Friend lifeline. What is your brother’s name?

IP: Bladdher Phull.

AB makes the phone call.

AB: Hello? Bladdher Phull?

BP: Yes.

AB: This is Amitabh Bachchan and your brother needs your help to answer a question.

IP: Hello Bladdher, what is the minimum age required for a person to vote?

BP: I don’t know. I’ve never voted before.

IP: Ok, bye.

AB: So Iveghotta Pyss, whats your ans…

This telecast has been stopped because Iveghotta Pyss has been attacked by Wheresthe Water. We are sorry for the inconvenience. We will now be showing you the documentary, “The Preparation of Ethoxy Ether” hosted by Diana Hayden. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

Yellowcution ™

2005-08-05T19:08:00.000+05:30

Things the Society Does in its free Time

Yellowcution is a sacred art by which the contestants decide who is more yellow by debating over the complexities of the Universe. It may be a difficult game to comprehend but as long as you have faith in your opponents abilities to change the colour of his face at will you need not worry. Always follow the path made by the Yellow people, forgive me if i am being racist here for i am not. Yellow is a beautiful colour and that is why Yellowcution is a popular sport if you are retarded and enjoy poking guys stomachs.

This public service announcement was brought to you by "The Society of People who have nothing to do". This game is patented by us and you will be sued if you play it.

A rendezvous with Sherri and Chika

2005-08-02T19:14:00.000+05:30

I am a member of Planetcricket.net which is a website for Cricket gaming freaks like me. One of the members had started a team called Planetcricket Rockers and I was selected in the final 12 for our inaugural match against the World XI (For more info, click on this link). Few of the players started posting imaginary interviews and I thought "What the heck, lets post one too." But I ended up doing two interviews. I’ve posted the transcript of my 2 interviews here. Ensaay!

Neon is leaving to England from the Chennai airport when he spots Navjot Singh Sidhu jostling his way towards him.

Sidhu: Hello Neon! I am Navjot Sidhu and I would like to interview you for NDTV 24X7 before you leave for England to make your debut for the hottest new team around.
Neon: Err...Ok then...I guess
Sidhu: That’s wonderful, my little friend. How do you plan to tackle the brute pace of Brett Lee, the brilliant accuracy of Glen McGrath and the guile of Shane Warne?
Neon: With my bat.
Sidhu: Ahhaha Neon, you seem to be pretty confident. So do you know how the Lords wicket is gonna play. Pitches are like wives my friends, you never know which way they turn.
Neon: Uhhh..I'll remember that. I really gotta get going.
Sidhu: Ahh yes. The pressures of playing one day cricket. Time waits for no one.
Neon: I guess so. I ....
Sidhu: So tell me Neon, who are you gonna target while you are bowling.
Neon: If I get selected in the main eleven, I will...
Sidhu: Now listen to me Neon, If ifs and buts were pots and pans, then there would be no tinkers.
Neon: What?
Sidhu: Ahh, the innocence of youth. Let me give you one piece of advice. You guys have to play as a cohesive unit. You must gel together. Out think the opposition. Play with a killer instinct. The World XI batsmen are like bicycles in a cycle stand - one falls down and the complete row will be down! So remember, my friend, age and agility is on your side. You can rule the roost. Play your natural game. It’s very important that you score runs and take wickets in your first outing because statistics are like miniskirts, they reveal more than what they hide.
Hey, Neon,... Neon.. Are you sleeping, .. Arey...wake up...you are going to miss your flight. An Air India flight waits for no one, my friend.

Neon manages to escape from Sidhu but is caught by Kris Srikkhant who too wants to interview him for Fourth Umpire.

Kris: So Neon, how are you feeling now? Goin to play your first match. I remember when I played my first match. I was nervous. But Kapil bhai gave me confidence. "Natural game khelanga" he said to me. I still remember the first ball I faced...
Neon: I am very sorry, Mr. Srikkhant, but I have to catch my flight.
Kris: Enna periya podalanga flight. If one goes, another one will come. Airport has to make money no? So tell me, what is your age?
Neon: 16
Kris: Did you know that I was the captain when Sacheen made his debut at the age of 16?
Neon: Yes, you've told that many many times before whenever you come on TV.
Kris: I shaped his career. He came to me when he was raw. I polished him. Made him the best batsman in the world.
Neon: Whatever.
Kris: The world XI is a good team. Are you confident of picking up some wickets?
Neon: Yes. Why not?
Kris: Why not? Because you are an ondranna bowler. Gilchrist will put the ball on top of the roof.
Neon: Why? Is he afraid of it or something?
Kris: No. I am saying he will hit a six.
Neon: Oh. It’s the final boarding call for me. I'll see you later.
Kris: Wait Neon. Don't you have anything to say to the viewers?
Neon: You have viewers?
Kris: You know, you are acting little too much here.
Neon: Sorry Chika. Umm Viewers, as Srikkhant advised me I will "natural game khelanga" and you also "natural game khelanga". Let us all"natural game khelanga". Bye Chika.
Neon runs into the aeroplane.
Kris: So my dear viewers, you have seen Neon just leaving for England. Undoubtedly he has a lot of potential. But if he follows my advice, he will become the next Sacheen. He will become a "Superb" batsman. Back to you Charu in the studio.
Charu: Srikkhant is so amazing.
Roshni Chopra: Chika is so great.
Atul Wassan: Does anyone have parachute coconut oil? My hair has lost some moisture.

To distorate or not to distorate? That is the question!

2005-07-27T19:25:00.000+05:30

Somehow I end up with really weird chemistry tuition teachers. Last year, I had a tuition teacher called Vairamuthu. He was an incredibly irritating guy who spoke horrible horrible English. I wouldn't have minded if he had taught me in Tamil but he decided to impress me with his English speaking skills. I quickly found out that he didn't have any such skills cos his first question to me was "Which school you?". I decided to let that go but the English that followed was even worse. I don't remember what he was teaching me but I very vividly remember this sentence, "The band (bond) is going into the distoration." When I asked him to repeat, he said "Distorate boy. Break you know. Distorating." Not only had he created a new word he had given it tense forms too! There was a scientist called Heitler in the book and the name is supposed to be pronounced Hytler. This guy pronounced it as Hitler and I was wondering for the rest of the class how Hitler had the time to think of Chemical bonding when he was busy killing people. He also had the interesting habit of burping every few minutes. He would go "burp, burp,burp...BURP.. so you see the distoration..BURP". He would also turn his head ninety degrees while watching me demystify his notes in my notebook. But the thing that irritated me most was his incessant need to make marks with a pen on my textbook. Every line of text in my text book would have scratches, blots or dots. I have a weird condition. I cannot sit still when a person makes my well-preserved book look like its third-hand. So I used to sway angrily to and fro trying to stop myself from grabbing the pen from his hand and making a dent on his head. I didn't study the last chapter in my book because he had covered my pages with ugly rangolis.

After all the mental distoration I had suffered I felt I had had enough. So I ditched him. My new Chemistry teacher is a lot better but ten times slower. He enunciates each word and makes sure that I say "I understand" after every line. He comes to my house at 8PM and leaves at 9.30PM but he doesn't know that I am asleep from 9 to 9.30. I have managed to sleep and say "I understand" simultaneously thereby making the one and a half hour experience more tolerable. In my previous class, he started making dots on my book. I got reminded of the past and I began to sway to and fro. He saw me doing this, taught that I was having a fit and left saying he will come back after I became alright. I feel that the only major difference between my two tuition experiences is that I thought the first teacher was a lunatic while the second teacher thinks that I am a lunatic.

2005-07-23T22:01:00.000+05:30

Me, with a needle in my hand, x-rayed and dead to the world.

Through one ear and out the other

2005-07-23T12:04:00.000+05:30

Are you ready to penfight?

2005-07-22T20:43:00.000+05:30

During lunch break in school, few of my classmates tend to play a game on the teacher's table. They are probably the only twelfth standards who still play this game. They are absolutely in love with it. What is this game then which makes them even forget to eat? Penfight. Yes, penfight, the game that delighted us when we were in the fifth and sixth standards. It still continues to delight these blokes though. They bring these incredibly heavy pens to school not for writing but for their stationery combat. The penfight club (thats what I call them) comprises of 8 people who have not missed a game of penfight for the last 2 months. They are pretty creative too. Some of them tie three pens together with a rubber band and lot of twine(they're not goin to use it for the exams, are they?) and some remove all the unwanted stuff from the pen like the refill(who needs it anyway?) and the spring and fill it with heavy stuff. One of the esteemed members of the penfight club filled his pen with chappathi dough to make it heavier. I won't be surprised if he becomes the President Of India someday. I think Pillsbury should start giving free pens with dough inside with every pack. They will make more money than they can imagine.
I felt that I had to make these people realise that they were playing a game created for children in the age-group of 8-12 and that they were too old for such childish activities. So I shouted out," Aren't you guys ashamed of yourselves? You are in the 12th standard for heavens sake. Stop playing this dumb game and help me finish my lunch!". Before I knew it, the chappati dough guy and his apprentice had lifted me up and were ready to knock the daylights out of me. So I decided to do the logical thing. I punched them in their stomachs and ran for my life.

And Finally I'm Back.

2005-07-19T18:52:00.000+05:30

hey,

i ve been doing nothing for the past one and a half weeks which is one of the greatest things i haven't done. Apparently, my typhoid was so bad that i had to go to the friendly, neighbourhood hospital to get 'fixed up'. I seriously hate doctors now. They examine u like ure some sort of exciting new species of Godzilla or something.
So, turns out i had a rare, third generation bacteria that was bugging me and wouldn/t go away. Nothing these ppl did seemed to work. But then they must have done something coz i felt better after 7 days.( That was probably coz i was sick of the place and wanted to come home.)
Anyway, I'm bac. The good part is I'm alright(almost) and i 'm missing all my exams(whoopee!) and i'm not allowed to study. The bad part is that i'm not allowed to eat much only soft mucky stuff that wouldn't pass off as cowdung.
I sadly however, missed the experience of acting in this years pantomime. That sucks. I saw the play however and it was quite good. Ting Ming was the best. I'll get there sometime.

PS: I'll post some pics of me later lying on a hospital bed with a wierd intra venous thing in my arm.

ciao,
themonk.

May the force be with u.

Sob! Its over!

2005-07-19T17:46:00.000+05:30

Our school play, Aladdin was staged day beforeyesterday during our Founders Day celebration and me and my classmates had a blast. We had been practising for two weeks(we even practised on sundays coming to school as early as 7.00 AM) and we put in our best efforts . There were many mishaps on stage, like the wrong props( I was doing the cave scene with a dirty sock on stage), wrong light and sound effects and of course the weird timing of the closing and opening of the cave. The mistakes on stage actually made the entire show much more memorable for me. We enjoyed ourselves immensely and I feel pretty sad now that the show is over, especially since my midterms start on Wednesday and I haven't touched my books yet. I got to play Aladdin and the entire experience is something I would cherish forever. This being my final year in school, I couldn't have asked for anything better. I got the chance to make new friends and I had a helluva lot of fun. The sad part is that all good things come to an end. I have to go now and get rid of the layer of dust sitting on top of my Chemistry book and start studying. Sigh.

P.S: I'll post the pictures of the play in my next post. Kodak software sucks!

Dance Like a Man!

2005-07-06T19:24:00.000+05:30

For the School Pantomime, I have to dance for a Scottish song. I always knew that dancing was not my cup of tea and it clearly showed yesterday. I was supposed to twirl my partner but I ended up twisting her arm and breaking her back. I look really awkward while dancing and that is not a good sign cos I play the lead role. I also have a small problem- my height. I am not the tallest person alive but I feel that I am tall enough. There is a weird notion going around that I am shorter than my dance partner. I mean, how can people be so blind, I am a good 1cm taller than her. To add to my woes, I have to do a few Salsa steps which makes me look like a machine going forward and backward. Plus I have to move my hands around like a tsunami wave only it looks more like, well… nothing. Despite all my problems, I have a very strong feeling that I will dance amazingly tomorrow. I also think that I’ve grown a couple of millimeters in the last two minutes. That will get rid of the “height” issue!

FOOT in MOUTH

2005-07-04T16:05:00.000+05:30

hey,

does any1 recall the post called I'm Ill and I'm Loving It. well if u do .... forget it. The doctor's have finally figured out what's wrong with me ...... apparently i have Enteric Fever more commonly known as Typhoid. Brilliant.
Talk about Foot in Mouth, huh?
I now have to resign the part of Inspector Chu in the goddamed play. Damn it.
hopefully,
The Force is with me.

May the force be with you.

A pantomime with a difference- I am in it!

2005-07-01T19:49:00.000+05:30

The rehearsals for our Founders Day Pantomime are in full swing and I have bagged the title role, Aladdin in our play temporarily titled Aladdin. It is a pretty funny panto with these Chinese people in it like Inspector Chu (Monk) and other weirdos. I get to fight against the evil guys, dance with girls and of course make fun of the audience. Awesome role isn’t it? But the rehearsals are tough. We have to do all these weird warm-up exercises like making funny faces and shouting out numbers. Personally, I have found it pretty fun though not all have the same opinion. We’ve been doing improvisational exercises for a few days and we started with the script today. I have to play this high-energy, cute (no problem there, heh) guy who falls for the Princess and fights the bad guys with a nonchalant air. Today’s rehearsals were quite boring since I could act out my scene only after the narrators had finished their stuff, which they never did. They had one minute of acting to do yet they kept laughing, crying or forgetting heir lines. I felt like I was a tennis player in Wimbledon during a rain delay. Hopefully, I will act tomorrow, unless there is more rain!

I'm ILL and I'm Loving IT

2005-07-01T11:11:00.000+05:30

hey,

All those who haven't read the title read it. Yes, i m sick and loving it. i wouldn't be able to post this if i wasn't sick. I m sitting at home missing school while all my friends are slogging their asses off. Well that's life my friends.
The best part of it is that i ve missed two days of school and show no sign of getting better. I still have a fever and no one knows why. Apparently i have a heat stroke which is quite possible.... the temperature being 42C the day b4 yesterday.
Tomorrow is Saturday and we have school. I might decide to go... but why bother!!! The only fun thing i'm missing is Founder's day practice where we are rehearsing for the pantomime version of Aladdin. I selected the script for it so i should be there. But i don;t have such a big role anyway. Some chinese inspector called Chu...who keeps coming in when people sneeze.

P.S. You'll be interested to know that Neon got the part of Aladdin... nobody else wanted to try out.

signing out: monk.

May the force be with you.

The Merovingian Dynasty?

2005-06-25T14:51:00.000+05:30

hey,

these days there's so little time to do nothing.

I was reading a book called the Holy Blood and the Holy Grail the other day and it led me to thing of some really thoguht provoking questions. The book is basically about the Priory of Sion and the theory of Jesus Christ leaving a Royal Bloodline behind him. Th book offers a lot of circumstantial evidence to support their theory.
My question is : who cares?

If a man appeared today with enough evidence to show that he is a direct descendant of Christ then what do u think the general public will do? Bow to him in all his splendour and proclaim him King. I don't think so. So what's the use of all this speculation?
Well the authors earned their royalties and they got me to do something. I consider that enough. Any comments are welcome.

P.S: Registration to the society is still open. Anyone is welcome to join. Contact me at themonk911@gmail.com with ure resume's.

May the force be wtih you.

I'm here

2005-06-12T12:57:00.000+05:30

hey all,
i m the Monk and as u all probably know by now will be the co-admin of this society.

neon and I will be posting a lot of stuff and we hope u will enjoy it.

if u want to be made a member of this (presitgious?) society mail me or him with ure resume's.... anything abt ureselve's at themonk911@gmail.com or mendelismental@gmail.com.

Member's can post articles and have added privelege's.

Join now and receive a free whiff of fresh air courtesy the Society.

May the force be with you.

The Society and How It Started

2005-06-12T08:42:00.000+05:30

The Society Of People Who Have Nothing To Do was created by me, Niyantha, in January 2005. The Society had originated when I started using it's name at the end of my weird sms'. Here is an example. This was the first sms message in which The Society's name appeared.

Date: January 19,2005
Time:7.35 PM
To: Monk
My Status: Bored out of my mind.
Reason for writing this sms:Monk is a defender when he plays football for our school and he was complaining that defenders can't score goals. So I gave him my views on the matter.....

Defenders can score too. All you have to do is to place the ball at an angle of 72 degrees to ur toe, run around it naked saying some gibberish, do an african dance, shout out that u r a friend of Karan Johar, close ur eyes and kick. The goalie will be too busy laughing and WALA!!! uv scored a goal.
This football tip was brough to you by The Society Of People Who Have Nothing To Do.

As you can see, The Society was my brainchild but what is a society without people and so I have admitted monk (The defender) into this wonderful .... uhh...society!! He will be the co-administrator of this blog and will give his views (don't hold your breath unless you are practising yoga at the moment) on stuff he wants to give his views on. Admission is still open for The Society. Please write to me at mendelismental at gmail dot com with your CV (It has to be interesting). Admission criteria is not given out because I haven't decided it yet. But do not worry my fellow homosapians, I will not keep Date Of Birth as a stumbling block, unlike our stupid government. It will be a lots system. Just kidding!! For interesting info on the society , please go to the Movenpick outlet in Khader Nawaz Khan road and see the white board there.

May the (Mass X Acceleration) be with You!